A Bedtime Dilemma

I’d like to get to bed early, but I don’t think I ate enough today to sleep through the night. I used to eat a lot of food before I would sleep. But now if I do that I sometimes get acid reflux, and it can wake me up too.
***
One solution is to eat, wait, and sleep. But then my bedtime goes much later, and I lose the beginning of the next day. I used to try to wake up early, but I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep on time. No matter what schedule I started a week with, I would soon be falling asleep at five and waking up at one.
***
I hate the feeling of not having slept enough. Having been awake too long is a nice feeling, and I create some of my best work when it’s late at night. But having woken up without being rested enough is awful – the day will at best be pockets of engagement with long spans of distracted states, and low-energy lulls. So sleeping late seems to be the natural solution.
***
I like the feeling of having gone to bed early; I enjoy having a long morning, I like feeling well-rested. I want to get as much sunlight as I can. But I am often unable to sleep early. I feel too active, or potentially active, or I have things to do that I have not taken care of, or things on my mind, or I’m not hydrated enough, or haven’t eaten enough. So it never comes to be.
***
“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”
***
My problems could all be solved by a few simple principles: eat enough to expend enough energy, expend enough energy to sleep later, eat enough to recover, and eat early enough to wind down afterwards. I have several sets of principles that I always regret violating. Some day I’ll right them now. But now it will be an unsuccessful attempt to sleep.
***
I thought I was on the way to sleeping early. I wondered what I would do until I fell asleep; soon, it was late, and now, I’m trying to get to sleep on time. I repeat this pattern with all sorts of resources: Begin surprised at my wealth, wonder how I’ll spend it -> hesitate, either spending it well or feeling it dwindle regardless -> end in poverty. It happens most often with time, but also with other things. There’s a moment of freezing, of indecisiveness, at the beginning, when faced with too many options. And there’s an inability to escape that initial feeling until it’s too late.

When I start out with not enough of something, I sometimes find later that I have a surplus.
***

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